It’s pretty easy to see how the physical symptoms of eczema—namely dry, itchy, inflamed, and just awfully angry skin—can make this condition tough to live with. What’s not quite as obvious, or talked about enough, is the emotional side of things.
Having visible rashes can, understandably, take a toll on a person’s self-esteem. Whether or not other people are actually staring at your skin, it sure feels like it sometimes. Just knowing that eczema is apparent to others is enough to make a person feel extremely self-conscious—even though your skin is nobody’s business and absolutely shouldn’t be stigmatized.
Sarah Harris, 33, was diagnosed with eczema, allergies, and asthma when she was just three years old, and her skin worsened as she got older. She became hyper-aware of it, especially when flares appeared on her face and neck. “Eczema is a visible condition, and you realize very quickly that you don’t fit into society’s conventional beauty norms,” Harris tells SELF.
Since eczema is quite common, there are lots of people out there navigating the complexities of this condition and the self-image challenges that can come along with it. So SELF asked people who have eczema to share how it has affected them, as well as the tips they have for other people who may be struggling to make peace with their skin.
1. Try to shift your perspective.
Growing up, Harris attended Camp Discovery, one of the American Academy of Dermatology’s free summer camps for children with skin conditions. “It was a game-changer and enormous confidence booster for me: I made life-long friends who were dealing with similar issues and learning how to come to terms with their skin,” she says. Even so, Harris acknowledges that getting more confident in her own skin has taken real work.
“We use a lot of war language when we talk about eczema: We’re eczema warriors fighting our condition, and the skin itself is a battlefield, but that type of language can make it feel like you’re at war with yourself and your own body,” she says. “I no longer think of my eczema as the enemy; instead, I focus on ways to make peace with my skin, mainly by changing the way I think about my eczema,” Harris says. “When my eczema acts up, I recognize that my body is doing the best that it can, but it needs me to listen and provide care. I try to see those moments as opportunities to practice true self-care—to tune into my body and skin and give them what they need.”
Harris has also embraced showing her skin, flare-ups and all. “Your instinct may be to cover up your eczema with long pants, long sleeves, or makeup, and I get it: There are times when I don’t want to show my skin to the world, or deal with people’s uninvited questions or stares,” she says. “But know that there can be tremendous freedom in unhiding your eczema. When we show our skin, we can transcend shame and embrace who we really are.”
2. Be honest about your struggles, with loved ones and yourself.
For Jill Taylor, 45, simply being open about her condition has been one of the biggest game-changers in feeling more comfortable. “It’s so easy to hide away when you’re feeling self-conscious, but I’ve found that the more I socialize, the less noticeable my eczema becomes,” she tells SELF.
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She’s also learned to be honest with people about what’s happening with her skin. “If someone asks why I’m not wearing a short-sleeved shirt, or if they stare at my hands, I’ll tell them that I have eczema and it’s been acting up. It sounds simple, but this honesty has helped me to feel more comfortable in my own skin. Most people that stare aren’t trying to be rude; they’re just curious and once they know what they’re looking at, they usually move on.”
Elin Alexander, 31, who has dealt with various forms of eczema since childhood, also says that being open about the challenges of eczema with friends and family has helped her cope. “Don’t be afraid to tell close family and friends what you’re going through,” she says. “They may not entirely understand, but they can be a great source of comfort and support.”
3. Find a community that gets it.
Julia Bobak, 31, was diagnosed with eczema as a teenager and has since learned that it’s particularly aggravated by stress and anxiety. “It’s a vicious cycle, which is compounded if it’s in a visible area, as this can make me feel embarrassed to go out,” she tells SELF. “The whole experience is incredibly isolating.”
One thing that has helped her is finding other people who understand her experience firsthand. She’s found many people who share their stories on social media and engaging with them has helped her to feel less lonely.
“Even on days when I don’t want to leave the house, I can find [comfort] in online communities,” she says. “It helps to normalize eczema and reminds me that people are probably paying far less attention to my skin than I think. This gives me the confidence to get back out there.”
4. Face your worries head-on.
Zoe Ashbridge, 32, has had eczema all her life, but it wasn’t until it finally healed that she realized she’d stopped looking other people in the face. “My skin was knocking my confidence so much that I spent more time looking down at the floor than up at the lovely faces of the people who were talking to me,” she tells SELF. “I felt so ugly that I wanted to spare people my face.”
Surprisingly, the thing that ultimately made her most comfortable in her own skin was forgoing makeup (which contributed to her flares) and essentially forcing herself to learn that people would accept her for who she was—no matter what her skin looks like.
“I had to work hard on nurturing my self-confidence and learning to love my natural face in every environment,” she says. “I do remember being very nervous in my first few work meetings [without makeup], which seems so irrational to look back on. I was quieter during those early meetings and I thought my eczema would stop me/my clients from closing deals in meetings.” But it didn’t. And each time it didn’t, her insecurities faded a little bit more.
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“Each time I attended a meeting, and it went well—or at least not badly—I unlearned something, and it turned out that I was unlearning my own thoughts about myself. As it often is, I was my own worst critic,” Ashbridge says. “People still booked meetings with me with or without makeup. I built my business when my eczema was at its worst. The reality was that no one was devaluing me or what I had to say because I had dry, cracked skin on my face. The negative thoughts were all coming from within.”
5. Focus on what your body can do.
For Doris Espejo, 40, who was diagnosed with eczema five years ago, living with the condition has been especially tough with her career as a nurse.
“As nurses, we use our hands for everything, and the constant washing of hands and glove-wearing can aggravate flare-ups,” she tells SELF. “Also, if patients see them they sometimes think it’s something contagious, or will ask what it is.” The thought of making a patient feel uncomfortable or concerned about her cleanliness does a number on Espejo’s self-esteem.
Focusing on self-care so she can feel her best overall—which ultimately gives eczema less power over her—has helped a lot. “Exercising has helped me overcome those feelings by focusing on what my body can do rather than its imperfections and just accepting it,” she says.
6. Be patient with yourself.
For Kira West, 29, who was diagnosed with eczema around age 10, coping with the skin condition as a teen and young adult was tough on her self-esteem. Figuring out what her triggers were, dressing in a way that made her legs comfortable, and, more importantly, recognizing that her flares were temporary, was crucial. She learned to manage her anxiety around flares by reminding herself that they would always pass.
“That mental approach helped me to maintain my overall confidence even amidst a flare-up,” she tells SELF. “Flares are not who I am…. Managing it and just giving it time and patience honestly helped a lot.”
In addition to her doctor emphasizing how common eczema is, as well as having supportive parents, West found peace in realizing she’s not alone. She got to this point by doing online research and engaging in online forums, which helped her feel a lot better about her situation. “As an adult, [I know] no one is going to judge my value as a person on how my skin looks,” she says. “I had to really internalize that and realize it’s true.”
7. Lean into positive self-talk.
Yuma Haidara, 33, has dealt with eczema on her face and the rest of her body since she was in high school. Haidara covered her body breakouts with clothes, but the eczema on her face was harder to hide.
“I hated it. I had so much hyperpigmentation. I kept constantly scratching these bumps on my face, and there was no way to cover it up,” she tells SELF. “Back then there weren’t even shades of foundation dark enough for my skin tone. I hated people looking at me and just knew they were thinking, What’s wrong with her face?”
Haidara, who created her own skin care products when she couldn’t find anything that worked, has found positive mantras and self-talk to be extremely effective. She keeps a list of 10 positive affirmations on the home screen of her phone, regularly changing them to keep them fresh and relative to where she is in life. Each day of the week has a different affirmation, such as “‘I accept myself unconditionally.’”
“No matter the kind of day I’m having, when the affirmation pops up, I stop and repeat it to myself until I no longer feel uncomfortable with saying that statement out loud,” Haidara says. “The words we speak to ourselves are so powerful, even when some days or weeks are harder than others to accept. But over the years, even on my worst days, [they help me to] know I’m beautiful, worthy, and deserving with all my imperfections, eczema included.”
